Tips for helping the freshmen bloom

Buddy Murphy, Geyser Staff Writer

Dear Freshman, You took our pod. 000001 seconds after the bell you have it pinned full throttle through the hallway. Now I know we all have phones and my average screen time is probably about two hours, but every time I see a freshman, you’re on your phones. None of you are probably going to even read this because you’re too busy with your phones. I want y’all to to bloom like a garden of flowers, so I’m going to give you some tips to prosper. Also, props to you if you’re a freshman and you’re still reading. Way to get off your phone.

Step one, in order to be like a flower, you have to smell like one. But wait! You can’t fake your scent. Axe body spray doesn’t count.

Step two, we have to see your pretty petals! Get your face out of that digital world and show your face to the real world! We can’t see your beautiful face if it’s buried in all of that blue light and pixels.

Step three, please don’t be afraid to have a conversation. I’ve talked to like four of you. The rest of you just give me an odd glare any time I’ve made contact with you. Am I ugly? Are you shocked because I don’t look like an IPhone?

THE FINAL STEP: It’s really just pretty simple. Just be clean and don’t live on your phones please. I promise, you’ll be better off. P.S. Get out of our pod.